THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE QUEST IN THE QUIET

I don't know about you, but I LOVE my quiet time. It's mandatory for me. I need lots of it, whether it's for long stretches or in short spurts. I just gotta have it. This wasn't always the case, though. There was a time when quiet time made me super uncomfortable, so I didn't engage in much of it. Instead, I would always have some kind of distraction at hand: phone calls, music, TV, Internet, movies; you name it and if it would keep me from being subjected to the sound of "nothing," then I was using it.

Then, in 2012, when I was struggling with a lot of issues and was feeling like my world was spinning out of control, I decided to get quiet. I just needed to stop, think, and try to figure out what the hell was happening in my life and how to get a grip on things. At that time, for some reason, all the distractions had gotten very loud and annoying, so I cut them off and I spent days in silence. At first it was almost nerve-racking since I had never tried it before. I thought it would be easy when I got started, but I was wrong. It was actually a bit scary and I wanted to quit. But then I realized wanting to quit was exactly why I needed to keep at this little experiment. I realized I was afraid of myself, and that wasn't working for me, especially since I had to take me wherever I went.

Afraid of myself? Huh? Yes. It became crystal clear that I didn't wanna hear everything that was in my head, because a lot of it was unpleasant. There were all kinds of fears, warped perceptions, pressing questions, strange judgments, and negative self-talk piled in there, all yammering at the same time, and I couldn't get away from any of it! Good grief! What had I gotten myself into? I thought I had signed up for relaxing Zen time that would make me feel good, but what I had walked into was a war zone in my mind. I was a mess and it was time to clean myself up.

So I dove in to everything I didn't wanna look at. As I began to examine things, come up with answers to a lot of those difficult questions, pull apart the perceptions and negativity, uncover the reasons for my fears, and assess my desires, goals, and needs, the feeling of wanting to run from myself started to fade. I found myself feeling so much better, lighter, clearer. I felt a real sense of relief. I realized how important silence was, and how much I blocked my growth and advancement because I had been refusing to listen to myself. I realized that putting a muzzle on my mind and then expecting to be able to move forward in my life was the worst form of self-sabotage. I finally understood that in the silence is where all the valuable, crucial, precious information about me and what I need to [do to] feel good about myself and my life, is kept. It occurred to me that all those years I spent looking outside myself for answers was wasted, because I had all of them in my head the whole time. Naturally, I couldn't access them properly because I was too busy drowning them out with noise.

You have the same access to all of the answers about yourself and your life, too. It's in the silence. And if you wanna get clear about who you are, why you do the things you do, what you want, what you need, how you feel, and how to go about making things happen for yourself, then I invite you to embrace quiet time, without any distractions. Pure silence. It'll probably work your nerves at first, if you're not used to being with yourself like that. I suggest having a notebook and pen handy, or your computer, so you can write or type out your discoveries. Something about seeing the clutter in your head, up close with your own two eyes, makes it easier to filter through. Extracting the sentiments and then reading them is empowering. It's like you've finally "got the goods" on yourself, and now you can sort through them and start making changes based on your findings. You can also start crafting a new story about yourself and your life. Write down your goals and intentions. Map out some moves to make toward their achievement. Start planning your upgraded future.

Once you get comfortable with silence and you experience its benefits, I assure you that it'll become one of your most cherished activities. You'll understand that it holds the key to your victory in so many ways. So go ahead. Be quiet. Your soul will thank you.

Take good care of yourselves, and always remember to honor the spirit.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: SMILE AND BE "GOOD"

Did you know that smiling is healthy for you? I know many of you may have heard that it is, but do you know exactly how and why? I just found out recently, in this article. When you have a few minutes, please read it all the way through; it's really fascinating!

Prior to researching the benefits of smiling, I had been taking notice of the fact that when I make a concerted effort to smile at people a lot, I feel good. I can literally feel a shift in my spirit. This shift is especially noticeable when I'm in a negative space mentally, as opposed to when I'm already in a decent space. The energy is a little different. When I'm feeling good, my natural instinct is to smile, as is most people's. Of course, it feels good then, too; but when there's a deliberate effort put into the act, that's when I notice the most benefit. Now that I've read the above article, I understand why. I invite you to challenge yourselves to smile a lot, on purpose, when you're struggling with challenges, whether you smile at people or just find something to smile at when you're alone. Part of honoring your spirit is making sure you do all that you can to feel good, as often as possible. Walking around with a scowling face is almost as unattractive and unhealthy as complaining. No one really feels comfortable around people who don't smile or who frown all the time. You don't always need words to express how you feel. In fact, before the words come out, your face starts telling your story. I know I definitely like to stay away from sourpusses. Their energy is draining and has the ability to adversely affect others in the vicinity.

Another thing I've noticed I do, that also feels healthy, is [smiling and then] saying "I'm good" when asked how I'm doing—even when I know damn well I could be doing a whole lot better. (Sure, if you wanna be super-technical, then it's "I'm [doing] well.") Yeah ... I know, I know ... if you say you're "good" when you're really not feeling good, then you're a dirty little liar, right? Well, maybe to some people, but allow me to share with you a different spin on the concept. In the world of speaking the life you want into existence, it goes without saying that all words matter. Attached to the words we speak are our intentions. I don't know about you, but my intention is to feel good as soon and as often as possible. The best way I know to make that happen, in addition to physical actions, is by speaking purposefully about what I want and how I wanna feel, regardless of the crap that's happening in "real life." I'm looking ahead, focusing on my future; and in my future, I wanna be "good." The future starts the second after I speak my chosen words. So, in reality, when I say "I'm good," when I know I'm in the midst of one or more life storms, it's not about being fake or lying; it's about intentionally speaking about myself, and my life in general, the way I want things to be.

Lemme be clear about the fact that I'm not saying you should never tell anyone what's really going on with you. This isn't about skipping around the universe in full-on denial, acting like Mr. or Mrs. Perpetually Happy. That is fake. There will usually be certain people in your life with whom you can speak your truth, which, at times, can also be healthy and is sometimes necessary. But I would strongly suggest limiting that circle of people to those you trust and who have your best interests at heart, as well as monitoring how you tell your stories. Even when telling your truth, I implore you to choose your words wisely. Try not to morph into Negative Ned or Nancy and start spewing your saga using the most dramatic, pessimistic sentiments. Remember: all words matter. This means you still wanna make the effort to speak goodness into your life, even if you're speaking on "the real" of your situation. Try to use the most neutral phrasing you can think of to describe what's going on. Try not to make yourself sound like a victim. Try to throw in some phrases that lend themselves to your eventual victory (e.g., "But it'll all work out"; "I'm gonna be okay"; "I'm gonna get the help I need"; etc.).

This takes practice; I'm not even gonna lie. I don't always succeed, either, especially if I'm overwhelmed and at a breaking point. Hell, sometimes you just need a good breakdown right quick, and that's perfectly okay. You can only hold in extreme upset for so long; a release every now and then is natural. Just try not to make a habit of erupting on a regular basis, especially when you're speaking casually to people who've asked how you're doing. Use those moments for being deliberate in your intention to speak the good you want into your life. And be courteous and always say thank you. No one has to ask how you're doing, ya know.

Overall, consciously speaking about your challenges in the least gloomy way helps move you into a better mental and physical space quicker. It helps attract the scenarios you want in place of the ones you don't. Couple that with all the smiling you'll be doing, and I'd say you're gonna be some appealing, irresistible, abundance-creating mugs!

 Take care, and always remember to honor the spirit.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: BLIND DILIGENCE

So, you decide to pursue that goal. When you start out, you're full of excitement, gusto, ideas, hope, energy, and plans. You're pumped to get in there and fight for your dream. You feel good about the moves you're making. You're all set to tell everyone about your big victory ... you know, because it'll be happening aaaany day now.

And then, any day now turns into eight months. That turns into a year. You look up and it's been a year and a half. You grumble a bit, but you keep pushing, because dammit, you want this and you're committed! Come on, any day now! Where are you?! Next thing you know, two years have passed! What the?? By now, you're super discouraged and confused. You thought for sure that all the efforts you made would've paid off long ago. But somewhere along the way, things took an undesirable turn. You started running into major obstacles. People you were reaching out to for help weren't helping, for whatever reason. Emails weren't answered. Phone calls weren't returned. People started serving up healthy portions of the word no. At this point, you start running out of ideas, steam, patience, and hope. You contemplate giving up, because it appears that this thing isn't meant to be. I mean, it has been two whole years. If "it" was gonna happen, then it shoulda happened by now. There's no logical reason for it to be taking so long ... right? So you should just be out, right?

WRONG. What you need to employ is what I call blind diligence. This is when you stay the course no matter what's happening in the situation, no matter how not in your favor things seem to be. You can't see the big picture, but you keep plugging until it manifests itself. You keep making efforts. You keep anticipating that victory. You keep envisioning your life with that goal achieved. Why? Because you still want it. Because it's still important to you. Because it still drives you every day. Because you can't make it through 12 hours without fantasizing about it. Because it's still in your heart. And as long as it's still in your heart, then you should still be committed. Not for someone else, but for yourself. The commitment is to and for you only. The only time you should give up on a goal or dream is if it's no longer a goal or dream. That happens sometimes. Maybe your life changes or your priorities change, and that goal no longer fits in your world. Maybe you've genuinely lost interest. No problem. Cease pursuit. However, if you cease pursuing something that matters because you're discouraged, lemme tell you what happens: that desire will haunt you. Yep, it surely will. Been there. Experienced that. You think you can run from your heart, but you can't. I promise. I've tried. I failed every time. When I've convinced myself to "forget it," and "move on," I always end up right back in the saddle, because quitting and/or pursuing something in its place never feels authentic; it just feels like a cop-out. You can't successfully hide from and disregard yourself, my friends. Wherever you go, there you are, and so are all the things that matter to you. Front and center. In your face. Looking at you like, "Where the hell did you think you were going without us?"

I have many victory stories, but here's one I hardly ever share. When I was 18, I set out to buy a new car. I had a job at a cafe where I worked maybe 30 hours a week and made well under six bucks an hour. I had no credit. I had no money saved. And to top it off, I intended to get said new car with no cosigner. I went from lot to lot to lot to lot. I got told no, no, no, and no. Some of the people at the dealerships were slightly amused at my boldness. I mean, I was a kid with nothing to put down on a car, no cosigner, and a job that paid me less than $700 a month. To a car dealer, I was a joke—a cute little female joke. Now. The reason having a new car was so important is because when I was 18, I bought a used car from a woman I knew, and it died on me after three weeks. I vowed right then that my next car would be brand new. This goal was huge and it mattered more than I could put into words. The biggest issue the dealerships had with me was that I didn't have any credit. I'm like, in my head, "Duh. I'm 18, you fools. What kinda credit do you expect me to have at this point? Someone has to take a chance and give me credit so I can have some first-time credit." Yet everywhere I went, they threw that issue in my face, along with the fact that I had no money to put down and didn't want a cosigner. They called me unrealistic and told me no one would sell me a new car without these crucial things. But I ignored them and continued my pursuit. Some-damn-body was gonna give me what I wanted, the way I wanted it. Well, it took about 2.5 years of rejection, frustration, and even some tears, but lo and behold, I found my car in a newspaper ad while on my lunch break at work. It was a 1990 Ford Festiva, on sale for $5000. Yes, five grand. A brand-new car. I claimed that car while looking at it in the ad. I got that car. Of course, there's a whole backstory about the how, but the most important thing is, in the end I didn't need credit; my down payment was a $1500 instant rebate on the car; and because I made more than enough to cover the monthly payments of (are you ready for this???) $129.40 (lololol!!!), Novato Ford sold 20-year-old me—brand new—a car (two months shy of my 21st birthday).

Blind diligence. Amid all the rejection, upset, discouragement, and tears. Because I was determined that there was a yes in my future. All I needed was one. That's all you need, too. One good yes from the right person or people will open the door to your perfect victory, and none of the ones that were previously slammed in your face will matter.

Will you continue to pursue your invitation to walk through that door ... even when you can't see the door, no matter how long it takes?

Take care, and always remember to honor the spirit.

THE HEALTHIEST ROUTE THROUGH THE STORM

Sometimes, what you need is the wherewithal to move through a challenging scenario in a way that allows you to close it out as soon as possible. Maybe it's the best option for you right now or one that you're unable to wrap up in your time-frame preference (because, in reality, you don't always have control over when your breakthrough happens; sometimes you just have to stay strong and be diligent until it does) and there are aspects that are difficult to deal with. If you don't deal with them in a healthy way, you'll not only feel worse but also prolong your issue, because your attitude during hard times is what makes or breaks your advancement.

Many times, the key to your victory is changing your attitude. There may be no more outside efforts left for you to make; it may all hinge on that inner shift. Usually, when you're operating from anger or frustration, you can't even see the best effort to make; it's when you adjust your attitude that you finally do. This is where I come in, with Life Challenge Consulting. I can help you make healthy moves and decisions within your scenarios. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's move through hard times with the proper attitude. I check myself regularly in my own situations. Do I always feel like it? Hell no. But I do it because I know how this works. I know that if I allow myself to sink into negative spaces, I'm only embedding myself in the situation that much more, and I'm opening the door for more strife. Let me be clear: negativity is not how you get out of a situation quickly ... or at all. It keeps you there.

If you're struggling to get through something, to just have some peace of mind and to be as comfortable as possible while you pursue your victory, then let me help you through Life Challenge Consulting. Check out the details here: http://www.honorthespirit.com/life-challenge-consulting.html

ARE YOU AFRAID TO COMMIT ... TO YOURSELF?

My life-consulting system promotes empowerment, which means I don't play when it comes to setting you up to rely on yourself to get the results you want, and that means you're gonna hafta take action, not sit around and whine, blame, complain, and make excuses. If you're not serious about committing to yourself through TIME, EFFORT, and MONEY to doing what's best for your physical and emotional well-being, then you shouldn't contact me. My guidance positions you to take action now so you can move forward based on your truth, not mine or what I think you should do.

The people I've helped have all gotten the results they want in less than 90 days (one person got hers in four days), because they were tired of being miserable and serious about making the necessary changes to not be anymore. If you're that person, then I invite you to contact me so we can get it crackin'. If you're looking for the type of session where I coddle and cry with you, say some pretty words to make you feel better and send you on your way with "good luck," then I'm not a match for you. I am, however, always loving and compassionate.

Together, we can determine if you're ready for a new, healthier scenario and if I'm the person to help you get there, through a free 20-minute Intention and Energy Assessment. It's important to me that you're clear about my system and whether or not you're up for the commitment before you spend your money with me. I only wanna work with people who wanna help themselves.

If you're interested in learning more about Life Challenge and Life Mission consulting, and if you'd like to set up an Intention and Energy Assessment, then head on over to www.honorthespirit.com for all the deets.

I'M HIGH EVERY DAY!

When I'm engrossed in doing what I love, which is working with words, I change physically and emotionally. I smile at people a lot; any pain I feel is forgotten; if I was tired before, all of a sudden I'm wide awake; I'm filled with this strange surge of energy that makes me feel like I've guzzled 10 Red Bulls; hunger, sleep, the bathroom, errands, and phone calls get back-burnered for as long as possible (and if you know me, then you know I'm very much about my food!!); and I have no desire to stop what I'm doing ... for anyone. This is a regular occurrence when I'm working. It doesn't feel like work, though. It feels like something that's great for my health. Literally. I feel healthiest when I'm doing what I love. My self-esteem soars. When I'm finished, I remain in a relaxed state of mind and feel totally fulfilled for hours afterward. There is no feeling like this.

Are you experiencing this kind of high in the work you do? Because it's definitely a high, and one you can have every day if you're doing work you truly love. If you're not, then I can help you. Let's do a Life Mission consultation and get you aligned with your purpose and passion, so you can start helping people in a way that incorporates your interests, skills, and talents, and completely fulfills your spirit. Click the link below to learn more and sign up.

http://www.honorthespirit.com/life-mission-consulting.html

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: "YOU'VE CHANGED" (BUT WHY?)

In relationships, do you think it's mandatory that you be open to changing yourself to suit the other person(s)? I'm not just talking about romantic relationships; I'm talking about all of them: friendships, family, work, etc. Before I get into the meat and potatoes, I have some questions for you:

1. Do you think that if someone is uncomfortable with who you are, what you like, or how you function, you should be ready to immediately alter yourself so their interactions with you can be easier?

2. Do you know the difference between healthy compromise and doing yourself a disservice?

3. Are you accepting of the parts of you that could use a little fine-tuning, especially if it means having smoother encounters with others—changes that will ultimately make you a better person?

4. When you change because of others' disapproval, do you feel good about yourself, or do you feel like you've just agreed to a fraudulent life, where you're functioning in ways that make you unhappy because they go against your true nature?

Let me start my spiel by saying this: You're never really obligated to change your behavior for anyone, regardless of who it is, how much you love them, or how much they don't like it. HOWEVER ........ let me be clear about the fact that if you never adjust your behavior, there will likely be times when you'll cause a lot of problems for yourself and others, based on how ugly or difficult that behavior is. That will be your choice, and you'll have to deal with the consequences when they come around. That being said, you're always responsible for how you choose to act, but where do—or should—you draw the line when deciding what to change about yourself when dealing with people on a daily basis? At what point do you make a conscious decision to change things about yourself that will affect the people you come into contact with?

The answer is simple yet not the easiest to put into action: You change when you want to, for you. Period. So, what does that really mean? It means that you're here to tend to your happiness and "feel-good-ness" first, and that means there will probably be things about you that people don't like but that in reality aren't harming you or them. Many times it's a personality conflict. Sometimes it can be a moral conflict. Maybe you're totally comfortable doing whatever you do, but your sister hates it. Well, so what? Her problem. But let's say your sister hates it and it's wreaking havoc on your relationship. Now you're unhappy because you're not having the kind of harmonious relationship with her that you truly want. The thing you do doesn't make you unhappy, but it's messing things up for you with her. What do you do? Become who your sister wants so she can be happy? Not make an adjustment and risk possibly ruining your bond with her?

Again, the answer is: do what you wanna do for your happiness and comfort. This means you have to be able to distinguish what parts of you are too important to compromise, and how important your relationship with your sister is (and by the way, you can replace sister with friend, other family member, spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, boss, or anyone else who's asking you to be or do what you may or may not be comfortable with). The biggest question is: if you change, is it a win for both of you or just a win for the other person? And by win for you, I mean is this change gonna not only benefit the relationship but also feel good for you? Will you be happy carrying out this new behavior on a regular basis (because, remember, the change is usually expected to be permanent unless otherwise discussed)? Is the frowned-upon behavior something you'll feel content with letting go of so your relationship or situation can progress the way you want? Will the new behavior really be something you can be open to embracing fully?

These are questions I invite you to ponder when contemplating changing yourself at other people's request or urging (or, goodness forbid—demand!). Remember that if you're constantly changing to suit others and not yourself, you'll never really be the person you want; you'll always be who and what everyone else wants, which makes you nothing more than a puppet. The bottom line is, whatever you decide has to still be for you first, not the other person, because you can't take responsibility for other people's happiness and comfort. This means you and this person may have to part ways. You might have to go ahead and dip on out of a situation that puts you in a position of chipping away at or turning your back on who you wanna be (even if it's a job or some other super-important situation), no matter what your reasoning is for wanting to be that way. On the flip side, it could also mean you grow because of this change and/or it's actually healthy for you, and you get to have better relationships as a result, which will undoubtedly add to your pot of joy. I mean, who doesn't want smooth-sailing relationships and situations as often as possible?

Only you'll know, through your own deep introspection, what's best for you. It's always about what's best for you. No one can decide what that is but you. Whoever else benefits from the changes you make that you're happy with, is just the icing on the cake.

Take care, and always remember to honor the spirit!