Sometimes you'll act out, do unhealthy things, disregard your best interest, dip back into unsavory habits and ways of functioning. When you do, ask yourself why. You have your reasons. What are they? You only act out when you're upset about something and feeling out of control. Instead of belittling yourself about it, give yourself a pass for a minute. Ask yourself what's really going on. Look at your life. What are you longing for? It's not necessarily about getting the thing at the moment (or at all, if it's not good for you); it's about admitting how you feel and allowing yourself to feel it, being okay with being there, embracing the fact that it's normal to feel out of sorts. It's about being able to say, "Okay! I'm not happy about xyz, so I'm out here wildin' out right now. This isn't good, but I understand. I'm human. I backslide every now and then. It's okay. I'm still great. I'm still worthy. I'ma still shine. This is just a moment."
The quickest way to get in control of your actions is to get in control of your feelings. Identifying why you're doing something makes it easier to reel yourself in. So walk yourself all the way through your moment. Be kind to yourself in the process. Then go ahead and lovingly snatch yourself up, drink a cup of that Act Right Juice, and put yourself back in your [healthy] place.
Learn more at www.honorthespirit.com
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Friday, August 3, 2018
Monday, August 22, 2016
THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: HAPPINESS IS INTENTIONAL
It would be great if happiness were just there for us, without our
having to make any effort to achieve it. Many times it is; things happen
that bring us joy, and we didn't necessarily orchestrate those
situations. But there's another level to the happiness game that
requires effort, action, risk, and trust. This level involves the
unknown and all of its exciting and sometimes scary elements.
No one ever said pursuing happiness would always be easy. Often, happiness is found outside our comfort zone, where we rarely like to trek. In fact, our greatest happiness is found in our most deliberate choices and endeavors. It's found in pushing the envelope of our perceptions and faith. It's found in our willingness to let go of old ways that are holding us back. It's found in entertaining the idea of rearranging our lives so we can have that thing or experience we've been eyeing for years but have been too afraid to reach out and touch. It's found in ignoring our loud, negative ego that tells us we can't, shouldn't, won't be able to, and will fail if we go for it.
Happiness is that thing we have to decide to have, in spite of naysayers, fears, discomfort, lack of confidence, lack of details, and perceived limitations. Happiness is that thing that sometimes requires us to give up what's mediocre (read: safe) in our lives in order to get the best. It's the big prize whose prerequisite usually involves our passing some tests along the way, ones that show us just how committed to our well-being we really are.
The reality is, you can't say you want happiness but be unwilling to try things. Maybe you don't dive into the whole enchilada head-first, though, if it's too scary. Maybe you nibble on it here and there. For example, if you wanna travel to a place that would take 10 hours to get to by plane, but you're afraid of flying, then maybe you plan a short trip to a place you wouldn't mind visiting that's closer, where the flight is, say, 2 hours. Chip away at your fear bit by bit. Work your way up to a 10-hour flight. If you wanna go into a specific career but you're not ready to chase that dream full force, then maybe you look into doing some volunteer work in the field, or an internship that might pay you. Or, if you can't do either of those things, maybe you seek out people in the field and ask if they can show you around their work environment and provide you with details that will help you assess the option better. If you wanna relocate but you don't know where, then start jotting down the conditions and type of environment you prefer living in, do your research on places that match what's on your list, and go visit. If your dream is to get a degree but the thought of immersing yourself in the thick of school terrifies you, then maybe you start off at a community college and build up those transferable units over time. If you wanna do something like move on from an unhealthy situation or person and you're finding it daunting, then maybe you map out your exit plan by first examining your fears about leaving, and making a concerted effort to quell them enough that you can make a move. Make a pros and cons list about the situation. Write down all the ways staying is robbing you of your peace of mind, and all the ways leaving will bring you peace and freedom.
There are countless scenarios I could talk about, but the point is, whatever you wanna do that you feel will be good for your soul and your health, just know that whether the goal is big or small, you may have to step out on faith and take your chances—jump out of the proverbial parachute, so to speak—and trust the outcome. Happiness is not always gonna magically be at your front door with a bouquet of flowers. There will be times when you'll have to go get it, and you may need to move a couple of mountains along the way.
Happiness is always yours for the taking. The question is: how much do you really want it?
Have a great week, and always remember to honor the spirit.
No one ever said pursuing happiness would always be easy. Often, happiness is found outside our comfort zone, where we rarely like to trek. In fact, our greatest happiness is found in our most deliberate choices and endeavors. It's found in pushing the envelope of our perceptions and faith. It's found in our willingness to let go of old ways that are holding us back. It's found in entertaining the idea of rearranging our lives so we can have that thing or experience we've been eyeing for years but have been too afraid to reach out and touch. It's found in ignoring our loud, negative ego that tells us we can't, shouldn't, won't be able to, and will fail if we go for it.
Happiness is that thing we have to decide to have, in spite of naysayers, fears, discomfort, lack of confidence, lack of details, and perceived limitations. Happiness is that thing that sometimes requires us to give up what's mediocre (read: safe) in our lives in order to get the best. It's the big prize whose prerequisite usually involves our passing some tests along the way, ones that show us just how committed to our well-being we really are.
The reality is, you can't say you want happiness but be unwilling to try things. Maybe you don't dive into the whole enchilada head-first, though, if it's too scary. Maybe you nibble on it here and there. For example, if you wanna travel to a place that would take 10 hours to get to by plane, but you're afraid of flying, then maybe you plan a short trip to a place you wouldn't mind visiting that's closer, where the flight is, say, 2 hours. Chip away at your fear bit by bit. Work your way up to a 10-hour flight. If you wanna go into a specific career but you're not ready to chase that dream full force, then maybe you look into doing some volunteer work in the field, or an internship that might pay you. Or, if you can't do either of those things, maybe you seek out people in the field and ask if they can show you around their work environment and provide you with details that will help you assess the option better. If you wanna relocate but you don't know where, then start jotting down the conditions and type of environment you prefer living in, do your research on places that match what's on your list, and go visit. If your dream is to get a degree but the thought of immersing yourself in the thick of school terrifies you, then maybe you start off at a community college and build up those transferable units over time. If you wanna do something like move on from an unhealthy situation or person and you're finding it daunting, then maybe you map out your exit plan by first examining your fears about leaving, and making a concerted effort to quell them enough that you can make a move. Make a pros and cons list about the situation. Write down all the ways staying is robbing you of your peace of mind, and all the ways leaving will bring you peace and freedom.
There are countless scenarios I could talk about, but the point is, whatever you wanna do that you feel will be good for your soul and your health, just know that whether the goal is big or small, you may have to step out on faith and take your chances—jump out of the proverbial parachute, so to speak—and trust the outcome. Happiness is not always gonna magically be at your front door with a bouquet of flowers. There will be times when you'll have to go get it, and you may need to move a couple of mountains along the way.
Happiness is always yours for the taking. The question is: how much do you really want it?
Have a great week, and always remember to honor the spirit.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE QUEST IN THE QUIET
I don't know about you, but I LOVE my quiet time. It's mandatory for me.
I need lots of it, whether it's for long stretches or in short spurts. I
just gotta have it. This wasn't always the case, though. There was a
time when quiet time made me super uncomfortable, so I didn't engage in
much of it. Instead, I would always have some kind of distraction at
hand: phone calls, music, TV, Internet, movies; you name it and if it
would keep me from being subjected to the sound of "nothing," then I was
using it.
Then, in 2012, when I was struggling with a lot of issues and was feeling like my world was spinning out of control, I decided to get quiet. I just needed to stop, think, and try to figure out what the hell was happening in my life and how to get a grip on things. At that time, for some reason, all the distractions had gotten very loud and annoying, so I cut them off and I spent days in silence. At first it was almost nerve-racking since I had never tried it before. I thought it would be easy when I got started, but I was wrong. It was actually a bit scary and I wanted to quit. But then I realized wanting to quit was exactly why I needed to keep at this little experiment. I realized I was afraid of myself, and that wasn't working for me, especially since I had to take me wherever I went.
Afraid of myself? Huh? Yes. It became crystal clear that I didn't wanna hear everything that was in my head, because a lot of it was unpleasant. There were all kinds of fears, warped perceptions, pressing questions, strange judgments, and negative self-talk piled in there, all yammering at the same time, and I couldn't get away from any of it! Good grief! What had I gotten myself into? I thought I had signed up for relaxing Zen time that would make me feel good, but what I had walked into was a war zone in my mind. I was a mess and it was time to clean myself up.
So I dove in to everything I didn't wanna look at. As I began to examine things, come up with answers to a lot of those difficult questions, pull apart the perceptions and negativity, uncover the reasons for my fears, and assess my desires, goals, and needs, the feeling of wanting to run from myself started to fade. I found myself feeling so much better, lighter, clearer. I felt a real sense of relief. I realized how important silence was, and how much I blocked my growth and advancement because I had been refusing to listen to myself. I realized that putting a muzzle on my mind and then expecting to be able to move forward in my life was the worst form of self-sabotage. I finally understood that in the silence is where all the valuable, crucial, precious information about me and what I need to [do to] feel good about myself and my life, is kept. It occurred to me that all those years I spent looking outside myself for answers was wasted, because I had all of them in my head the whole time. Naturally, I couldn't access them properly because I was too busy drowning them out with noise.
You have the same access to all of the answers about yourself and your life, too. It's in the silence. And if you wanna get clear about who you are, why you do the things you do, what you want, what you need, how you feel, and how to go about making things happen for yourself, then I invite you to embrace quiet time, without any distractions. Pure silence. It'll probably work your nerves at first, if you're not used to being with yourself like that. I suggest having a notebook and pen handy, or your computer, so you can write or type out your discoveries. Something about seeing the clutter in your head, up close with your own two eyes, makes it easier to filter through. Extracting the sentiments and then reading them is empowering. It's like you've finally "got the goods" on yourself, and now you can sort through them and start making changes based on your findings. You can also start crafting a new story about yourself and your life. Write down your goals and intentions. Map out some moves to make toward their achievement. Start planning your upgraded future.
Once you get comfortable with silence and you experience its benefits, I assure you that it'll become one of your most cherished activities. You'll understand that it holds the key to your victory in so many ways. So go ahead. Be quiet. Your soul will thank you.
Take good care of yourselves, and always remember to honor the spirit.
Then, in 2012, when I was struggling with a lot of issues and was feeling like my world was spinning out of control, I decided to get quiet. I just needed to stop, think, and try to figure out what the hell was happening in my life and how to get a grip on things. At that time, for some reason, all the distractions had gotten very loud and annoying, so I cut them off and I spent days in silence. At first it was almost nerve-racking since I had never tried it before. I thought it would be easy when I got started, but I was wrong. It was actually a bit scary and I wanted to quit. But then I realized wanting to quit was exactly why I needed to keep at this little experiment. I realized I was afraid of myself, and that wasn't working for me, especially since I had to take me wherever I went.
Afraid of myself? Huh? Yes. It became crystal clear that I didn't wanna hear everything that was in my head, because a lot of it was unpleasant. There were all kinds of fears, warped perceptions, pressing questions, strange judgments, and negative self-talk piled in there, all yammering at the same time, and I couldn't get away from any of it! Good grief! What had I gotten myself into? I thought I had signed up for relaxing Zen time that would make me feel good, but what I had walked into was a war zone in my mind. I was a mess and it was time to clean myself up.
So I dove in to everything I didn't wanna look at. As I began to examine things, come up with answers to a lot of those difficult questions, pull apart the perceptions and negativity, uncover the reasons for my fears, and assess my desires, goals, and needs, the feeling of wanting to run from myself started to fade. I found myself feeling so much better, lighter, clearer. I felt a real sense of relief. I realized how important silence was, and how much I blocked my growth and advancement because I had been refusing to listen to myself. I realized that putting a muzzle on my mind and then expecting to be able to move forward in my life was the worst form of self-sabotage. I finally understood that in the silence is where all the valuable, crucial, precious information about me and what I need to [do to] feel good about myself and my life, is kept. It occurred to me that all those years I spent looking outside myself for answers was wasted, because I had all of them in my head the whole time. Naturally, I couldn't access them properly because I was too busy drowning them out with noise.
You have the same access to all of the answers about yourself and your life, too. It's in the silence. And if you wanna get clear about who you are, why you do the things you do, what you want, what you need, how you feel, and how to go about making things happen for yourself, then I invite you to embrace quiet time, without any distractions. Pure silence. It'll probably work your nerves at first, if you're not used to being with yourself like that. I suggest having a notebook and pen handy, or your computer, so you can write or type out your discoveries. Something about seeing the clutter in your head, up close with your own two eyes, makes it easier to filter through. Extracting the sentiments and then reading them is empowering. It's like you've finally "got the goods" on yourself, and now you can sort through them and start making changes based on your findings. You can also start crafting a new story about yourself and your life. Write down your goals and intentions. Map out some moves to make toward their achievement. Start planning your upgraded future.
Once you get comfortable with silence and you experience its benefits, I assure you that it'll become one of your most cherished activities. You'll understand that it holds the key to your victory in so many ways. So go ahead. Be quiet. Your soul will thank you.
Take good care of yourselves, and always remember to honor the spirit.
Monday, August 8, 2016
THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: SMILE AND BE "GOOD"
Did you know that smiling is healthy for you? I know many of you may
have heard that it is, but do you know exactly how and why? I just found
out recently, in this article. When you have a few minutes, please read it all the way through; it's really fascinating!
Prior to researching the benefits of smiling, I had been taking notice of the fact that when I make a concerted effort to smile at people a lot, I feel good. I can literally feel a shift in my spirit. This shift is especially noticeable when I'm in a negative space mentally, as opposed to when I'm already in a decent space. The energy is a little different. When I'm feeling good, my natural instinct is to smile, as is most people's. Of course, it feels good then, too; but when there's a deliberate effort put into the act, that's when I notice the most benefit. Now that I've read the above article, I understand why. I invite you to challenge yourselves to smile a lot, on purpose, when you're struggling with challenges, whether you smile at people or just find something to smile at when you're alone. Part of honoring your spirit is making sure you do all that you can to feel good, as often as possible. Walking around with a scowling face is almost as unattractive and unhealthy as complaining. No one really feels comfortable around people who don't smile or who frown all the time. You don't always need words to express how you feel. In fact, before the words come out, your face starts telling your story. I know I definitely like to stay away from sourpusses. Their energy is draining and has the ability to adversely affect others in the vicinity.
Another thing I've noticed I do, that also feels healthy, is [smiling and then] saying "I'm good" when asked how I'm doing—even when I know damn well I could be doing a whole lot better. (Sure, if you wanna be super-technical, then it's "I'm [doing] well.") Yeah ... I know, I know ... if you say you're "good" when you're really not feeling good, then you're a dirty little liar, right? Well, maybe to some people, but allow me to share with you a different spin on the concept. In the world of speaking the life you want into existence, it goes without saying that all words matter. Attached to the words we speak are our intentions. I don't know about you, but my intention is to feel good as soon and as often as possible. The best way I know to make that happen, in addition to physical actions, is by speaking purposefully about what I want and how I wanna feel, regardless of the crap that's happening in "real life." I'm looking ahead, focusing on my future; and in my future, I wanna be "good." The future starts the second after I speak my chosen words. So, in reality, when I say "I'm good," when I know I'm in the midst of one or more life storms, it's not about being fake or lying; it's about intentionally speaking about myself, and my life in general, the way I want things to be.
Lemme be clear about the fact that I'm not saying you should never tell anyone what's really going on with you. This isn't about skipping around the universe in full-on denial, acting like Mr. or Mrs. Perpetually Happy. That is fake. There will usually be certain people in your life with whom you can speak your truth, which, at times, can also be healthy and is sometimes necessary. But I would strongly suggest limiting that circle of people to those you trust and who have your best interests at heart, as well as monitoring how you tell your stories. Even when telling your truth, I implore you to choose your words wisely. Try not to morph into Negative Ned or Nancy and start spewing your saga using the most dramatic, pessimistic sentiments. Remember: all words matter. This means you still wanna make the effort to speak goodness into your life, even if you're speaking on "the real" of your situation. Try to use the most neutral phrasing you can think of to describe what's going on. Try not to make yourself sound like a victim. Try to throw in some phrases that lend themselves to your eventual victory (e.g., "But it'll all work out"; "I'm gonna be okay"; "I'm gonna get the help I need"; etc.).
This takes practice; I'm not even gonna lie. I don't always succeed, either, especially if I'm overwhelmed and at a breaking point. Hell, sometimes you just need a good breakdown right quick, and that's perfectly okay. You can only hold in extreme upset for so long; a release every now and then is natural. Just try not to make a habit of erupting on a regular basis, especially when you're speaking casually to people who've asked how you're doing. Use those moments for being deliberate in your intention to speak the good you want into your life. And be courteous and always say thank you. No one has to ask how you're doing, ya know.
Overall, consciously speaking about your challenges in the least gloomy way helps move you into a better mental and physical space quicker. It helps attract the scenarios you want in place of the ones you don't. Couple that with all the smiling you'll be doing, and I'd say you're gonna be some appealing, irresistible, abundance-creating mugs!
Take care, and always remember to honor the spirit.
Prior to researching the benefits of smiling, I had been taking notice of the fact that when I make a concerted effort to smile at people a lot, I feel good. I can literally feel a shift in my spirit. This shift is especially noticeable when I'm in a negative space mentally, as opposed to when I'm already in a decent space. The energy is a little different. When I'm feeling good, my natural instinct is to smile, as is most people's. Of course, it feels good then, too; but when there's a deliberate effort put into the act, that's when I notice the most benefit. Now that I've read the above article, I understand why. I invite you to challenge yourselves to smile a lot, on purpose, when you're struggling with challenges, whether you smile at people or just find something to smile at when you're alone. Part of honoring your spirit is making sure you do all that you can to feel good, as often as possible. Walking around with a scowling face is almost as unattractive and unhealthy as complaining. No one really feels comfortable around people who don't smile or who frown all the time. You don't always need words to express how you feel. In fact, before the words come out, your face starts telling your story. I know I definitely like to stay away from sourpusses. Their energy is draining and has the ability to adversely affect others in the vicinity.
Another thing I've noticed I do, that also feels healthy, is [smiling and then] saying "I'm good" when asked how I'm doing—even when I know damn well I could be doing a whole lot better. (Sure, if you wanna be super-technical, then it's "I'm [doing] well.") Yeah ... I know, I know ... if you say you're "good" when you're really not feeling good, then you're a dirty little liar, right? Well, maybe to some people, but allow me to share with you a different spin on the concept. In the world of speaking the life you want into existence, it goes without saying that all words matter. Attached to the words we speak are our intentions. I don't know about you, but my intention is to feel good as soon and as often as possible. The best way I know to make that happen, in addition to physical actions, is by speaking purposefully about what I want and how I wanna feel, regardless of the crap that's happening in "real life." I'm looking ahead, focusing on my future; and in my future, I wanna be "good." The future starts the second after I speak my chosen words. So, in reality, when I say "I'm good," when I know I'm in the midst of one or more life storms, it's not about being fake or lying; it's about intentionally speaking about myself, and my life in general, the way I want things to be.
Lemme be clear about the fact that I'm not saying you should never tell anyone what's really going on with you. This isn't about skipping around the universe in full-on denial, acting like Mr. or Mrs. Perpetually Happy. That is fake. There will usually be certain people in your life with whom you can speak your truth, which, at times, can also be healthy and is sometimes necessary. But I would strongly suggest limiting that circle of people to those you trust and who have your best interests at heart, as well as monitoring how you tell your stories. Even when telling your truth, I implore you to choose your words wisely. Try not to morph into Negative Ned or Nancy and start spewing your saga using the most dramatic, pessimistic sentiments. Remember: all words matter. This means you still wanna make the effort to speak goodness into your life, even if you're speaking on "the real" of your situation. Try to use the most neutral phrasing you can think of to describe what's going on. Try not to make yourself sound like a victim. Try to throw in some phrases that lend themselves to your eventual victory (e.g., "But it'll all work out"; "I'm gonna be okay"; "I'm gonna get the help I need"; etc.).
This takes practice; I'm not even gonna lie. I don't always succeed, either, especially if I'm overwhelmed and at a breaking point. Hell, sometimes you just need a good breakdown right quick, and that's perfectly okay. You can only hold in extreme upset for so long; a release every now and then is natural. Just try not to make a habit of erupting on a regular basis, especially when you're speaking casually to people who've asked how you're doing. Use those moments for being deliberate in your intention to speak the good you want into your life. And be courteous and always say thank you. No one has to ask how you're doing, ya know.
Overall, consciously speaking about your challenges in the least gloomy way helps move you into a better mental and physical space quicker. It helps attract the scenarios you want in place of the ones you don't. Couple that with all the smiling you'll be doing, and I'd say you're gonna be some appealing, irresistible, abundance-creating mugs!
Take care, and always remember to honor the spirit.
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