THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE VICTORY LAB

Are you ready for the fruition of that big goal or dream? You say you want it, but how true is that? Is it something you’re just good at talking and thinking about, or are you busy being about it, too? Do you know what it really means to be about it? Are you aware that achieving victories is more about actions than anything else? I love the saying: “I can show you better than I can tell you.” That idiom is what’s at the core of all major accomplishments, and what’s required daily when you’re in The Victory Lab.

First, let me ask you something. Are you actually in the lab, or are you standing outside, fiddling with the doorknob because you’re too afraid to enter and make the commitment to stay until you’ve won? Talking about going in, even psyching yourself up to make that move, is lovely. But how much more time are you gonna spend doing that? Until you decide to go in, shut the door, and get to work, that dream will never move from your head and heart into reality. If you want the prize, then you have to get in the game; and the game doesn’t truly begin until you embrace—and temporarily move into—the lab.

If you’re one who visits The Victory Lab often and emerges triumphant, then you already know how it works in there, and this post isn’t for you. Right now, I’m talking to everyone who’s never been in it, or maybe they stuck a toe in on occasion but got scared and ran away. If that’s you, then it’s time for your crash course in how to take command of the lab once and for all, so you can start living the life of a champ instead of watching other people be the winners all the time, and wondering how they did it.

The following list will give you a good idea of what you’ll need, what to expect from, and how to function in, the lab:

·      Faith. If you already have it, then it’s time to step it up; go harder with it; you’re gonna need its foundation to be solid. If you don’t have it, then I’ll be honest: things are gonna be bleak as hell in there. To be even more frank, you probably won’t last long. The lab is no place for the weak in faith. And let me clarify that I’m not talking about any specific type of faith—whatever your religious or philosophical belief is, is great, as long as it works for you and you believe in it. You'll need it to manifest and continually strengthen the discipline and diligence necessary to succeed in the lab. Get ready to lean on it harder than you ever have.

·      Clarity and Desire. You have to be super sure about what you’re pursuing and why, and your desire to get it has to be so deep that you're willing to jump as far into the trenches as possible to make it happen. Going into the lab half-cocked and confused is not advised. Once you’re in, you need to be ready to focus on making specific and well-executed moves, not trying to figure out what you want. Being uncertain about your strength of passion and desire for your goal when you enter the lab is like walking onto a battlefield unarmed. And you know how that ends. Impenetrable passion is your mandated armor. Make sure you have it strapped on tight.

·      Patience. This may prove to be the biggest challenge. Depending on what you’re after, you may be in there a while. A long while. Possibly years. This is also why clarity is important. Unknown timelines, and even those with designated endings in the not-so-near future, can be daunting when you’re crystal clear about your mission. If you lack passion or clarity about why you’re in the lab, then the “when” of it all can be that much more difficult to deal with.

·      Discernment. The Victory Lab is a sacred place, where only certain people should be allowed to visit while you’re in there. You have to be extremely careful of who you let in to your energy realm when you’re in lab mode. Being in the lab is tantamount to performing spiritual surgery—only other surgeons who’ve performed it should be in the room with you. This means that if you run with a crowd of people who aren't reaching for the stars, so to speak, or who’ve tried and given up before they got to the top, then you may need to limit your conversations with them. They won’t understand your commitment to the journey or be able to relate to what you’re doing and why. Lab time truly calls for being around like-minded people as much as possible. I also don't advise talking to them about your lab work (i.e. struggles, fears, dilemmas) when you peek your head out for some air and socializing. Though they may care about you and honestly want you to succeed, the truth is that people who’ve never had the courage to tackle the lab are not usually the best people to confide in or look to for advice when things get rough. I didn't say they never are; sometimes people can uplift you even if they don't fully get your path. But generally, if you feel like you need encouragement or an ear to bend, then it’s best to seek out other lab experts, ones who’ve made it across the finish line and can possibly mentor you. I should briefly mention that you may also need to be cautious when interacting with people who have endured the lab in a different area than you. For example, your friend did his or her lab work in the home-buying arena, but you’re trying to accomplish an off-brand career goal. Your friend may know all about buying property now, but hasn’t the slightest clue about how to navigate these strange waters you’re in. Think of it like an oral surgeon trying to assist and understand the process of a heart surgeon. Completely different types of surgeons who were mentored by people who knew the ins and outs of their field. I’m not saying cut off all your friends, family, and associates just because they’re not lab savvy or your type of lab savvy; I’m saying choose your conversations with them wisely.

·      Research. Whatever you’re pursuing, you would be wise to learn as much about it as you can while you do so. Unless you’re in school to achieve it, you probably don’t know a whole lot about it. Part of your lab work is making sure you know what to do with your goal once you get it. Your own brand of homeschooling on the subject should always be in progress if you’re not attending school. If you’re not even compelled to learn about your goal beforehand, then that says a lot about your level of passion for it.

·      Indifference. Basically, mind your own business. If you’re wasting time and energy focusing on the who, what, where, when, why, and how of other people’s lives; gossiping, getting caught up in social media comment threads, Googling the latest juicy deets, jumping on the phone to spew the info and hoping to get more, and having visceral responses to these people’s situations and actions, then you’re most certainly not in the head space to pursue a dream. I know sometimes it’s easy to get distracted by other people’s lives; I’ve done it. But as soon as I realize I’m focused on something that has nothing to do with my goal, I shut it down and get my life together.

·      Silence. I can’t stress enough the fact that you need an abundance of quiet time when you’re in the lab. By quiet time, I mean total silence … just you and your thoughts and feelings. You need time each day to check in with yourself about how things are going, and to tap into your spirit for wisdom, courage, and answers to questions that only you can answer about your journey. None of that can happen with distractions like TV, music, Internet, phone calls (including texting), and in-person conversations in the mix. Give yourself the gift of complete silence so you can stay properly connected to your dream and remain clear about how to move through the process to get to the other side.

·      Bounce-Back. All kinds of random, ridiculous, serious, scary, confusing, disheartening obstacles will appear while you’re in the lab that can potentially knock you off track to the point where you consider giving up on your goal—or at least slowing your pursuit down considerably—if you're not careful. When they appear, don't use them as excuses to quit but instead as fuel to ground yourself even more firmly on your path. You wouldn’t let people just walk up and punch you in the face without some kind of retaliation, would you? I didn’t think so. Don’t let obstacles have free reign in your life. Strike back with refusal to be defeated, and renewed determination to win.

The Victory Lab (and your subsequent success) awaits all of you. Go in. Brave it. Surround yourself with others who are in it or have conquered it, and form an alliance. Stay in until you emerge a champion. The euphoria you’ll feel when you finally share your testimony, and inspire others because of it, will be worth every minute of your time there.   

For information about my Life Challenge Consulting, please visit www.honorthespirit.com.  

TO YOU, FROM YOU, WITH LOVE

HAIKU: "COMPETITION"

Woman, love self like
none can match yours, and watch as
folks try to rival

How often do you really "do you"? When's the last time you said no when that's what you meant; put make-up on—or not—because you wanted to, not to please someone else; dressed or wore your hair the way you prefer, not how your spouse or lover prefers; gave your body the rest it needs; took yourself on your ideal date; did nothing but what you wanted all day, for one day? When's the last time you asked yourself what you need or want, and thought about providing it for yourself? Have you ever asked?

As queens of sacrifice, particularly mothers, you're wired to nurture others first; but it's healthy to seek ways to provide for others in conjunction with nurturing yourself.  Some may take issue with this, possibly people you know and love. When you've evolved, only those who are a match to your level of evolution can function properly in your space. The rest will tend to keep their distance because they don't know how. You'll receive what you know you're worth. If people can't meet the terms of your upgraded mindset, then they'll either drop completely off, or they'll only interact with you in ways they feel comfortable. It may hurt, but let it be okay. Maybe they'll catch up one day, maybe not. In the meantime, you've made room for the kinds of visitors that'll go out of their way to match your requirements. You deserve that.

I lovingly challenge you to make it your daily goal to give yourself as much of what you need for your peace of mind as possible; all things such as children, family, and jobs considered, where some level of compromise may be necessary. The mere commitment to consider your needs daily is the shift of energy needed to make way for your fulfillment. Every effort to "get yours" counts. If you're never or hardly ever attempting to live your ideal life, then you'll always be waiting for others to provide love, attentiveness, and approval for you.

Life isn't meant to be a waiting game. Wait for no one to love you properly. Figure out how to love yourself the way you want, on your time, your terms. You'll be amazed at how people will be willing to match the respect you have for yourself. You'll be so content with what you give yourself that you won't have time for or interest in worrying about who else is or isn't on board with loving you right.

Ladies, I challenge you to find the courage to live just for you, whenever possible. I encourage you to start a competition with yourself—to experiment with how much you can increase your own self-love and self-esteem each day. Have fun with your self-care; plan it; commit to it; deepen it. Be excited every day to wake up to the privilege of being in your own company. Be so adamant about your well-being that you absolutely refuse to allow into your life those who aren't bringing your caliber of love to the table. Set the standard. Raise the bar high. Be choosy. Choose you. I dare you to make these bold moves. Then, I dare you to feel great about yourselves and love the subsequent results.

http://www.honorthespirit.com

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: VICTIMEYES—PEEP THE REAL REASON YOU'RE SUFFERING

If you're complaining and/or blaming within your situation, then you're in victim-mentality mode. This means you've given someone or something in your scenario total power over your advancement or happiness based on a limiting belief that you either created for yourself or borrowed from someone else (your parents said, your friends said, the news said, your boss said, etc.), and now you're fully subscribing to it. This is why you're suffering. As soon as you take yourself out of victim mode and take full responsibility for your circumstances, your situation will change. It's never "them"; it's always you. Always. You don't have to like or believe it. I didn't make up the rule. It's just how the Universe turns; and no matter who you are, you can't escape this key element in life.

This doesn't mean that "they" who are doing "stuff" are excused from their negligent behavior, and it doesn't mean you don't have the right to request different behavior. What it does mean is that when all is said and done, you don't get to control how they function, no matter how hard you wish or try. So let go of that notion, stop waiting for them to change to make you feel better, and take back your power by focusing on how you're gonna function to create your own change.

If your limiting belief is wrapped up in a thing instead of a person or people, then your job is still the same: to take back your power by choosing a new way of reacting to it other than complaint and blame, one that has the potential to create a valuable solution.

IT'S NOT ME; IT'S YOU

What I love about my Life-Challenge Consulting service is that I'm only encouraging my clients to pursue the things they tell me they want, based on the truth they've revealed through their own words, during what I call "the excavation process," where we dig up the truth that's buried underneath their fears, excuses, and lies they've been told and are telling themselves. I never suggest they do anything that contradicts what we've already fully clarified together that they want to change. 

This is crucial because these consultations aren't about me and what I think people should be doing with their lives; it's not my place to dictate people's well-being. They're built to uncover the person and the life my clients tell me they already know in their hearts is best for them to be and have but they've been too afraid to pursue. My job is to listen, use my specific questioning system to dig up their truth, make sure I'm clear about their truth throughout the session, supply the transformative tools, and reassure them that they have the strength to turn their situations around.

Once we part ways, my clients are clear about how to go for what they really want, and we both feel good knowing I didn't push them into deciding to do things that didn't resonate with their spirits. What I did was get them to be honest about what was resonating within them from the start, and encourage them to pursue it.

I can't make my clients do the work, but I'm happy to say that those I've worked with have already proven their readiness to change. They're using the tools and pushing through the discomfort of the transformation process so they can finally honor their spirits and live their desired lives. Bravo to them!

If you'd like to start honoring your spirit instead of your fears, then click here to set up an Intention and Energy Assessment so we can prep you for a consult.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE ROOT OF IT ALL

Through my various writings, poetry performances, and consultations (life challenge, life mission, and creative), I help people build strong self-esteem by implementing the courage to pursue their best interest at all times.

As someone who used to suffer from terribly low self-esteem, I set myself up for a lot of heartache, torment, and exhausting crying because I was too afraid to believe in and stand up for myself. What I've learned over the years is that without a strong sense of worth, people will tend to make a lot of unhealthy decisions that usually adversely affect their lives ... and sometimes the lives of others. High morale completely changes the way you navigate all the scenarios in your life, particularly the difficult ones. When you genuinely care about your well-being and peace of mind, you commit to choosing YOU in all the best ways possible, even if it means you inconvenience people who want you to choose them.

When I started choosing me, I started feeling like I was truly valuable and special, and that's because I was finally treating myself like I was. That's when I  knew for sure that the key to inner transformation that reflects an outer change starts with how you feel about yourself. My self-esteem journey is ongoing. I'm not exempt from it being shaken just because I've come a long way in its development. I've spent entire days trying to bounce back from incidents that shake it hard. But I always bounce back because I make feeling good about myself a priority, so I push my way through until I arrive back at a healthy mindset. I have to do my work in order to get my results. This stuff isn't easy all the time just because I know how to do it.

People who didn't know the old me--the childhood, teenage, and 20s and early 30s me, who compliment me on how confident I am, have NO idea what I've had to endure spiritually to get here. Some of my closest friends don't even know because a lot of my transformation took place after I moved to LA from the Bay Area 12 years ago, and I haven't spoken in depth or at all about the myriad lessons I've learned since that time. What I did was stay quiet, buckle down, and get to work on changing because the pain was overwhelming and I wanted to conquer it at the root. In the process, I've been using my words, both written and spoken, to not only tell my stories bit by bit, but also encourage others to do their work, so they can see how great it feels to honor themselves. I want that for everyone; it's a priceless feeling.

If you wanna transform, then I wanna help you do it. I'm right here, with many ways to offer assistance, if you decide you're worth it.

For information about my consulting services and self-help books, please click here.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: IDENTITY FRAUD

One key aspect of developing strong self-esteem is getting really comfortable with all the unique ways in which you "do you." This doesn't just mean how you function with and treat yourself; it's also about how you interact with others in your special way. So many people get sidetracked into the struggle of accepting their outer looks that they forget about enjoying and embracing who they are on the inside. No matter how great you look on the outside, it will get overshadowed by the fact that you feel bad on the inside.

Everyone has their own perception of what's "proper" when it comes to people's functionality--how to walk, stand, talk, eat, express love; you name it and there's an opinion about it--about YOU, floating around. If you decide that in your daily functioning you're truly doing your best from moment to moment (aside from the moments when you KNOW you're outta pocket! LOL!), and you keep in mind that the way you "do you" is never gonna be appropriate for everyone, but it WILL be for the right, open-minded people, then you can let others' nitpicking of you roll off your back.

You're not here to "get it right" for everybody. You're here to "get it right" for you, in the ways that best resonate with your spirit. The people who understand and appreciate the way you function are the ones who'll gravitate toward you and find benefit in being in your midst. The ones who think you're getting it wrong are only irked because it's likely a reflection of something in their life they're sensitive about and not dealing with. Not your problem.

Twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to conform to other people's opinion of how to function in your own world so that more or certain people will like or feel at ease with you is unhealthy for your spirit. It will make you build a fake, uncomfortable, unbalanced identity that will keep you blocked from truly knowing and loving the real you, and sharing that person with people whose lives you could impact in a positive way.

For information about my Life-Challenge Consulting service, and how I can help you transform and advance, please click here.

TRUTHFULLY SPEAKING ...

During my Life-Challenge consultations, you really have to be ready to tell the truth about what you're doing, feeling, and why. I'm skilled at asking just the right questions to aid in your honesty, and they probably won't be comfortable. I choose my words very carefully, based on the story you tell me, so that when I present the questions, you can see your life-challenge picture for what it really is, and so you can get out of denial about what's going on.

Afterward, I make it clear that it's up to you to do the work we discuss. It's okay if you decide you're not ready to do it today. But here's the guarantee: if you don't do it at some point, then your suffering will never end. There's no amount of "twist working" or manipulating that will change the dynamic of your challenge for the better. It will only turn around when YOU commit to changing for the better.

What's great about the work we'll do is that if you decide you're not ready to make changes right now, then at least you'll have the tools I've given you, and you can always return to them when you're ready. They don't expire. Your patience with your suffering hopefully will.

If you're ready to start moving forward in your life, then I invite you to set up a free 20-minute Intention and Energy Assessment, which will prep you for the consultation. Click here for more details.