TO YOU, FROM YOU, WITH LOVE

HAIKU: "COMPETITION"

Woman, love self like
none can match yours, and watch as
folks try to rival

How often do you really "do you"? When's the last time you said no when that's what you meant; put make-up on—or not—because you wanted to, not to please someone else; dressed or wore your hair the way you prefer, not how your spouse or lover prefers; gave your body the rest it needs; took yourself on your ideal date; did nothing but what you wanted all day, for one day? When's the last time you asked yourself what you need or want, and thought about providing it for yourself? Have you ever asked?

As queens of sacrifice, particularly mothers, you're wired to nurture others first; but it's healthy to seek ways to provide for others in conjunction with nurturing yourself.  Some may take issue with this, possibly people you know and love. When you've evolved, only those who are a match to your level of evolution can function properly in your space. The rest will tend to keep their distance because they don't know how. You'll receive what you know you're worth. If people can't meet the terms of your upgraded mindset, then they'll either drop completely off, or they'll only interact with you in ways they feel comfortable. It may hurt, but let it be okay. Maybe they'll catch up one day, maybe not. In the meantime, you've made room for the kinds of visitors that'll go out of their way to match your requirements. You deserve that.

I lovingly challenge you to make it your daily goal to give yourself as much of what you need for your peace of mind as possible; all things such as children, family, and jobs considered, where some level of compromise may be necessary. The mere commitment to consider your needs daily is the shift of energy needed to make way for your fulfillment. Every effort to "get yours" counts. If you're never or hardly ever attempting to live your ideal life, then you'll always be waiting for others to provide love, attentiveness, and approval for you.

Life isn't meant to be a waiting game. Wait for no one to love you properly. Figure out how to love yourself the way you want, on your time, your terms. You'll be amazed at how people will be willing to match the respect you have for yourself. You'll be so content with what you give yourself that you won't have time for or interest in worrying about who else is or isn't on board with loving you right.

Ladies, I challenge you to find the courage to live just for you, whenever possible. I encourage you to start a competition with yourself—to experiment with how much you can increase your own self-love and self-esteem each day. Have fun with your self-care; plan it; commit to it; deepen it. Be excited every day to wake up to the privilege of being in your own company. Be so adamant about your well-being that you absolutely refuse to allow into your life those who aren't bringing your caliber of love to the table. Set the standard. Raise the bar high. Be choosy. Choose you. I dare you to make these bold moves. Then, I dare you to feel great about yourselves and love the subsequent results.

http://www.honorthespirit.com

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: VICTIMEYES—PEEP THE REAL REASON YOU'RE SUFFERING

If you're complaining and/or blaming within your situation, then you're in victim-mentality mode. This means you've given someone or something in your scenario total power over your advancement or happiness based on a limiting belief that you either created for yourself or borrowed from someone else (your parents said, your friends said, the news said, your boss said, etc.), and now you're fully subscribing to it. This is why you're suffering. As soon as you take yourself out of victim mode and take full responsibility for your circumstances, your situation will change. It's never "them"; it's always you. Always. You don't have to like or believe it. I didn't make up the rule. It's just how the Universe turns; and no matter who you are, you can't escape this key element in life.

This doesn't mean that "they" who are doing "stuff" are excused from their negligent behavior, and it doesn't mean you don't have the right to request different behavior. What it does mean is that when all is said and done, you don't get to control how they function, no matter how hard you wish or try. So let go of that notion, stop waiting for them to change to make you feel better, and take back your power by focusing on how you're gonna function to create your own change.

If your limiting belief is wrapped up in a thing instead of a person or people, then your job is still the same: to take back your power by choosing a new way of reacting to it other than complaint and blame, one that has the potential to create a valuable solution.

IT'S NOT ME; IT'S YOU

What I love about my Life-Challenge Consulting service is that I'm only encouraging my clients to pursue the things they tell me they want, based on the truth they've revealed through their own words, during what I call "the excavation process," where we dig up the truth that's buried underneath their fears, excuses, and lies they've been told and are telling themselves. I never suggest they do anything that contradicts what we've already fully clarified together that they want to change. 

This is crucial because these consultations aren't about me and what I think people should be doing with their lives; it's not my place to dictate people's well-being. They're built to uncover the person and the life my clients tell me they already know in their hearts is best for them to be and have but they've been too afraid to pursue. My job is to listen, use my specific questioning system to dig up their truth, make sure I'm clear about their truth throughout the session, supply the transformative tools, and reassure them that they have the strength to turn their situations around.

Once we part ways, my clients are clear about how to go for what they really want, and we both feel good knowing I didn't push them into deciding to do things that didn't resonate with their spirits. What I did was get them to be honest about what was resonating within them from the start, and encourage them to pursue it.

I can't make my clients do the work, but I'm happy to say that those I've worked with have already proven their readiness to change. They're using the tools and pushing through the discomfort of the transformation process so they can finally honor their spirits and live their desired lives. Bravo to them!

If you'd like to start honoring your spirit instead of your fears, then click here to set up an Intention and Energy Assessment so we can prep you for a consult.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE ROOT OF IT ALL

Through my various writings, poetry performances, and consultations (life challenge, life mission, and creative), I help people build strong self-esteem by implementing the courage to pursue their best interest at all times.

As someone who used to suffer from terribly low self-esteem, I set myself up for a lot of heartache, torment, and exhausting crying because I was too afraid to believe in and stand up for myself. What I've learned over the years is that without a strong sense of worth, people will tend to make a lot of unhealthy decisions that usually adversely affect their lives ... and sometimes the lives of others. High morale completely changes the way you navigate all the scenarios in your life, particularly the difficult ones. When you genuinely care about your well-being and peace of mind, you commit to choosing YOU in all the best ways possible, even if it means you inconvenience people who want you to choose them.

When I started choosing me, I started feeling like I was truly valuable and special, and that's because I was finally treating myself like I was. That's when I  knew for sure that the key to inner transformation that reflects an outer change starts with how you feel about yourself. My self-esteem journey is ongoing. I'm not exempt from it being shaken just because I've come a long way in its development. I've spent entire days trying to bounce back from incidents that shake it hard. But I always bounce back because I make feeling good about myself a priority, so I push my way through until I arrive back at a healthy mindset. I have to do my work in order to get my results. This stuff isn't easy all the time just because I know how to do it.

People who didn't know the old me--the childhood, teenage, and 20s and early 30s me, who compliment me on how confident I am, have NO idea what I've had to endure spiritually to get here. Some of my closest friends don't even know because a lot of my transformation took place after I moved to LA from the Bay Area 12 years ago, and I haven't spoken in depth or at all about the myriad lessons I've learned since that time. What I did was stay quiet, buckle down, and get to work on changing because the pain was overwhelming and I wanted to conquer it at the root. In the process, I've been using my words, both written and spoken, to not only tell my stories bit by bit, but also encourage others to do their work, so they can see how great it feels to honor themselves. I want that for everyone; it's a priceless feeling.

If you wanna transform, then I wanna help you do it. I'm right here, with many ways to offer assistance, if you decide you're worth it.

For information about my consulting services and self-help books, please click here.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: IDENTITY FRAUD

One key aspect of developing strong self-esteem is getting really comfortable with all the unique ways in which you "do you." This doesn't just mean how you function with and treat yourself; it's also about how you interact with others in your special way. So many people get sidetracked into the struggle of accepting their outer looks that they forget about enjoying and embracing who they are on the inside. No matter how great you look on the outside, it will get overshadowed by the fact that you feel bad on the inside.

Everyone has their own perception of what's "proper" when it comes to people's functionality--how to walk, stand, talk, eat, express love; you name it and there's an opinion about it--about YOU, floating around. If you decide that in your daily functioning you're truly doing your best from moment to moment (aside from the moments when you KNOW you're outta pocket! LOL!), and you keep in mind that the way you "do you" is never gonna be appropriate for everyone, but it WILL be for the right, open-minded people, then you can let others' nitpicking of you roll off your back.

You're not here to "get it right" for everybody. You're here to "get it right" for you, in the ways that best resonate with your spirit. The people who understand and appreciate the way you function are the ones who'll gravitate toward you and find benefit in being in your midst. The ones who think you're getting it wrong are only irked because it's likely a reflection of something in their life they're sensitive about and not dealing with. Not your problem.

Twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to conform to other people's opinion of how to function in your own world so that more or certain people will like or feel at ease with you is unhealthy for your spirit. It will make you build a fake, uncomfortable, unbalanced identity that will keep you blocked from truly knowing and loving the real you, and sharing that person with people whose lives you could impact in a positive way.

For information about my Life-Challenge Consulting service, and how I can help you transform and advance, please click here.

TRUTHFULLY SPEAKING ...

During my Life-Challenge consultations, you really have to be ready to tell the truth about what you're doing, feeling, and why. I'm skilled at asking just the right questions to aid in your honesty, and they probably won't be comfortable. I choose my words very carefully, based on the story you tell me, so that when I present the questions, you can see your life-challenge picture for what it really is, and so you can get out of denial about what's going on.

Afterward, I make it clear that it's up to you to do the work we discuss. It's okay if you decide you're not ready to do it today. But here's the guarantee: if you don't do it at some point, then your suffering will never end. There's no amount of "twist working" or manipulating that will change the dynamic of your challenge for the better. It will only turn around when YOU commit to changing for the better.

What's great about the work we'll do is that if you decide you're not ready to make changes right now, then at least you'll have the tools I've given you, and you can always return to them when you're ready. They don't expire. Your patience with your suffering hopefully will.

If you're ready to start moving forward in your life, then I invite you to set up a free 20-minute Intention and Energy Assessment, which will prep you for the consultation. Click here for more details.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: FEAR IS YOUR PRISON

Every time you enter or stay in a situation based on honoring your fears over your spiritual needs/health, you'll have big problems that will not go away; in fact, they'll get bigger. Every. Time. You'll never have a healthy experience with fear as your core energy and reason for being there. That type of fear (as opposed to the healthy nervous kind) will always keep you from the happiness you deserve.

Fear is not the real problem. It's making fear-based decisions that alters your life in negative ways. Fear is a natural emotion, a necessary self-defense mechanism that will always be around and, if wielded properly, can even save your life. The issue is when you allow your fears to make you constantly go out of your way to please people to avoid conflict, or keep you from living the way you want, asking for what you want, leaving or entering situations, standing up for yourself, pursuing goals, etc. It's these kinds of fearful actions that rob you of your self-esteem and keep you from being able to strengthen it. When you act in fear, in ways that aren't true to your spirit, you guarantee less-than-desirable outcomes because you started off with an unhealthy energy—you get what you give, energy wise. Kowtowing to fear is not good for your mental and physical health. It does nothing but make you feel bad about yourself, about your ability to make sound decisions for your life, like you're a "screw up." It's hard to feel good about yourself when you keep denying yourself happiness and peace of mind because you're too afraid to "go for it." In return, you end up in situations that leave you feeling less-than, and wondering why you're always discontented and not getting your just desserts. Honoring your spirit at all times takes big courage and a lot of practice. Once you get good at it, you'll see how freeing and healthy it is, and you'll make it your daily business to prioritize it, no matter what.

I think I should clarify that you're not necessarily waiting for the fear to disappear; that may not happen in every case. Your goal in all situations where fear appears to be your ruler is to muster the courage to do the opposite of what your ego is telling you, to refuse to be its prisoner, not resign yourself to your perception of what's gonna go wrong if you move forward. In reality, the outcome may actually be what you fear (e.g., someone being furious with you for speaking up), but the act of honoring your spirit, the part of you that truly wanted to be strong enough to speak your mind, is what steadily builds your esteem, even if your outcome is not what you hoped. Employing courage doesn't always bring about fairy-tale endings. Many times it does, but your job is to do it all the time, out of respect for yourself, whether it goes great or goes sideways. People will always prefer that you do what they want so they can be comfortable or feel a certain way. Not everyone will be happy about or respect the fact that you put your peace of mind before theirs. Not your problem. It's their job to figure out how to make themselves feel better; you have your own well-being to attend to 24/7. 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with coming to a happy medium with people, where everyone wins, and you don't feel like you were bullied or intimidated into your stance. Sometimes compromise is good. Considering others' feelings is good. Adjusting your behavior or stance out of respect for someone, depending on the situation, is an admirable move and can grow your character. The fine line in those types of situations is paying close attention to how you feel about compromising. Can you truly help someone or improve an important relationship if you do? Will your morals and/or self-respect be lost if you do? Is the compromise something you feel comfortable with, or, again, are you being pushed? You always know what feels right, what feels doable enough that you won't regret the choice regardless of the outcome. Believe that. Trust the feeling. It's an instinct that takes over you. When something feels wrong for you, you get that sinking feeling in your spirit, just like when things feel right, you feel it, too. It's a feeling of calm, comfort, a gentle or even resounding "yeah" that fills you up. But it has to be your "yeah," not someone else's. The goal is to never let your fear of an anticipated outcome keep you from walking your chosen path. 

Activating courage takes more than a wish; it requires bold action and a lot of faith. You have to make a very conscious choice to push through the fear and do the thing you truly want or need. That's how you feed your spirit. That's how you win in all your challenges.

For complete details about Life Challenge Consulting, please click here.