Every time you enter or stay in a situation based on honoring your fears over your spiritual needs/health, you'll have big problems that will not go away; in fact, they'll get bigger. Every. Time. You'll never have a healthy experience with fear as your core energy and reason for being there. That type of fear (as opposed to the healthy nervous kind) will always keep you from the happiness you deserve.
Fear is not the real problem. It's making fear-based decisions that
alters your life in negative ways. Fear is a natural emotion, a
necessary self-defense mechanism that will always be around and, if
wielded properly, can even save your life. The issue is when you allow
your fears to make you constantly go out of your way to please people to avoid conflict, or
keep you from living the way you want, asking for what you want,
leaving or entering situations, standing up for yourself, pursuing
goals, etc. It's these kinds of fearful actions that rob you of your
self-esteem and keep you from being able to strengthen it. When you act
in fear, in ways that aren't true to your spirit, you guarantee
less-than-desirable outcomes because you started off with an unhealthy
energy—you get what you give, energy wise. Kowtowing to fear is not good
for your mental and physical health. It does nothing but make you feel
bad about yourself, about your ability to make sound decisions for your
life, like you're a "screw up." It's hard to feel good about yourself
when you keep denying yourself happiness and peace of mind because
you're too afraid to "go for it." In return, you end up in situations
that leave you feeling less-than, and wondering why you're always
discontented and not getting your just desserts. Honoring your spirit at
all times takes big courage and a lot of practice. Once you get good at
it, you'll see how freeing and healthy it is, and you'll make it your
daily business to prioritize it, no matter what.
I think I should
clarify that you're not necessarily waiting for the fear to disappear;
that may not happen in every case. Your goal in all situations where
fear appears to be your ruler is to muster the courage to do the
opposite of what your ego is telling you, to refuse to be its prisoner,
not resign yourself to your perception of what's gonna go wrong if you
move forward. In reality, the outcome may actually be what you fear
(e.g., someone being furious with you for speaking up), but the act of
honoring your spirit, the part of you that truly wanted to be strong
enough to speak your mind, is what steadily builds your esteem, even if
your outcome is not what you hoped. Employing courage doesn't always
bring about fairy-tale endings. Many times it does, but your job is to
do it all the time, out of respect for yourself, whether it goes great or goes sideways. People will always prefer that you do what they want
so they can be comfortable or feel a certain way. Not everyone will be
happy about or respect the fact that you put your peace of mind before
theirs. Not your problem. It's their job to figure out how to make themselves feel better; you have your own well-being to attend to 24/7.
absolutely nothing wrong with coming to a happy medium with people,
where everyone wins, and you don't feel like you were bullied or
intimidated into your stance. Sometimes compromise is good. Considering
others' feelings is good. Adjusting your behavior or stance out of
respect for someone, depending on the situation, is an admirable move
and can grow your character. The fine line in those types of situations
is paying close attention to how you feel about compromising. Can
you truly help someone or improve an important relationship if you do?
Will your morals and/or self-respect be lost if you do? Is the
compromise something you feel comfortable with, or, again, are you being
pushed? You always know what feels right, what feels doable
enough that you won't regret the choice regardless of the outcome.
Believe that. Trust the feeling. It's an instinct that takes over you.
When something feels wrong for you, you get that sinking feeling in your
spirit, just like when things feel right, you feel it, too. It's a
feeling of calm, comfort, a gentle or even resounding "yeah" that fills
you up. But it has to be your "yeah," not someone else's. The goal is to never let your fear of an anticipated outcome keep you from walking your chosen path.
courage takes more than a wish; it requires bold action and a lot of
faith. You have to make a very conscious choice to push through the fear
and do the thing you truly want or need. That's how you feed your
spirit. That's how you win in all your challenges.
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