THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: VICTIMEYES—PEEP THE REAL REASON YOU'RE SUFFERING

If you're complaining and/or blaming within your situation, then you're in victim-mentality mode. This means you've given someone or something in your scenario total power over your advancement or happiness based on a limiting belief that you either created for yourself, or you borrowed it from someone else (your parents said, your friends said, the news said, your boss said, etc.), and are now fully subscribing to it. This is why you're suffering. As soon as you take yourself out of victim mode and take full responsibility for your circumstances, your situation will change. It's never "them"; it's always you. Always. You don't have to like or believe it. I didn't make up the rule. It's just how the Universe turns; and no matter who you are, you can't escape this key element in life.

This doesn't mean that "they" who are doing "stuff" are excused from their negligent behavior, and it doesn't mean you don't have the right to request different behavior. What it does mean is that when all is said and done, you don't get to control how they function, no matter how hard you wish or try. So let go of that notion, stop waiting for them to change to make you feel better, and take back your power by focusing on how you're gonna function to create your own change.

If your limiting belief is wrapped up in a thing instead of a person or people, then your job is still the same: to take back your power by choosing a new way of reacting to it other than complaint and blame, one that has the potential to create a valuable solution.

Are you ready to change? If so, then let's talk about how I can help you. I invite you to visit HONOR THE SPIRIT, to sign up for a free 20-minute Intention and Energy Assessment, which will prep you for a Life Challenge Consultation, where I'll guide you through the darkness of your scenario to a place of light.

IT'S NOT ME; IT'S YOU

What I love about my Life-Challenge Consulting service is that I'm only encouraging my clients to pursue the things they tell me they want, based on the truth they've revealed through their own words, during what I call "the excavation process," where we dig up the truth that's buried underneath their fears, excuses, and lies they've been told and are telling themselves. I never suggest they do anything that contradicts what we've already fully clarified together that they want to change. 

This is crucial because these consultations aren't about me and what I think people should be doing with their lives; it's not my place to dictate people's well-being. They're built to uncover the person and the life my clients tell me they already know in their hearts is best for them to be and have but they've been too afraid to pursue. My job is to listen, use my specific questioning system to dig up their truth, make sure I'm clear about their truth throughout the session, supply the transformative tools, and reassure them that they have the strength to turn their situations around.

Once we part ways, my clients are clear about how to go for what they really want, and we both feel good knowing I didn't push them into deciding to do things that didn't resonate with their spirits. What I did was get them to be honest about what was resonating within them from the start, and encourage them to pursue it.

I can't make my clients do the work, but I'm happy to say that those I've worked with have already proven their readiness to change. They're using the tools and pushing through the discomfort of the transformation process so they can finally honor their spirits and live their desired lives. Bravo to them!

If you'd like to start honoring your spirit instead of your fears, then click here to set up an Intention and Energy Assessment so we can prep you for a consult.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE ROOT OF IT ALL

Through my various writings, poetry performances, and consultations (life challenge, life mission, and creative), I help people build strong self-esteem by implementing the courage to pursue their best interest at all times.

As someone who used to suffer from terribly low self-esteem, I set myself up for a lot of heartache, torment, and exhausting crying because I was too afraid to believe in and stand up for myself. What I've learned over the years is that without a strong sense of worth, people will tend to make a lot of unhealthy decisions that usually adversely affect their lives ... and sometimes the lives of others. High morale completely changes the way you navigate all the scenarios in your life, particularly the difficult ones. When you genuinely care about your well-being and peace of mind, you commit to choosing YOU in all the best ways possible, even if it means you inconvenience people who want you to choose them.

When I started choosing me, I started feeling like I was truly valuable and special, and that's because I was finally treating myself like I was. That's when I  knew for sure that the key to inner transformation that reflects an outer change starts with how you feel about yourself. My self-esteem journey is ongoing. I'm not exempt from it being shaken just because I've come a long way in its development. I've spent entire days trying to bounce back from incidents that shake it hard. But I always bounce back because I make feeling good about myself a priority, so I push my way through until I arrive back at a healthy mindset. I have to do my work in order to get my results. This stuff isn't easy all the time just because I know how to do it.

People who didn't know the old me--the childhood, teenage, and 20s and early 30s me, who compliment me on how confident I am, have NO idea what I've had to endure spiritually to get here. Some of my closest friends don't even know because a lot of my transformation took place after I moved to LA from the Bay Area 12 years ago, and I haven't spoken in depth or at all about the myriad lessons I've learned since that time. What I did was stay quiet, buckle down, and get to work on changing because the pain was overwhelming and I wanted to conquer it at the root. In the process, I've been using my words, both written and spoken, to not only tell my stories bit by bit, but also encourage others to do their work, so they can see how great it feels to honor themselves. I want that for everyone; it's a priceless feeling.

If you wanna transform, then I wanna help you do it. I'm right here, with many ways to offer assistance, if you decide you're worth it.

For information about my consulting services and self-help books, please click here.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: IDENTITY FRAUD

One key aspect of developing strong self-esteem is getting really comfortable with all the unique ways in which you "do you." This doesn't just mean how you function with and treat yourself; it's also about how you interact with others in your special way. So many people get sidetracked into the struggle of accepting their outer looks that they forget about enjoying and embracing who they are on the inside. No matter how great you look on the outside, it will get overshadowed by the fact that you feel bad on the inside.

Everyone has their own perception of what's "proper" when it comes to people's functionality--how to walk, stand, talk, eat, express love; you name it and there's an opinion about it--about YOU, floating around. If you decide that in your daily functioning you're truly doing your best from moment to moment (aside from the moments when you KNOW you're outta pocket! LOL!), and you keep in mind that the way you "do you" is never gonna be appropriate for everyone, but it WILL be for the right, open-minded people, then you can let others' nitpicking of you roll off your back.

You're not here to "get it right" for everybody. You're here to "get it right" for you, in the ways that best resonate with your spirit. The people who understand and appreciate the way you function are the ones who'll gravitate toward you and find benefit in being in your midst. The ones who think you're getting it wrong are only irked because it's likely a reflection of something in their life they're sensitive about and not dealing with. Not your problem.

Twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to conform to other people's opinion of how to function in your own world so that more or certain people will like or feel at ease with you is unhealthy for your spirit. It will make you build a fake, uncomfortable, unbalanced identity that will keep you blocked from truly knowing and loving the real you, and sharing that person with people whose lives you could impact in a positive way.

For information about my Life-Challenge Consulting service, and how I can help you transform and advance, please click here.

TRUTHFULLY SPEAKING ...

During my Life-Challenge consultations, you really have to be ready to tell the truth about what you're doing, feeling, and why. I'm skilled at asking just the right questions to aid in your honesty, and they probably won't be comfortable. I choose my words very carefully, based on the story you tell me, so that when I present the questions, you can see your life-challenge picture for what it really is, and so you can get out of denial about what's going on.

Afterward, I make it clear that it's up to you to do the work we discuss. It's okay if you decide you're not ready to do it today. But here's the guarantee: if you don't do it at some point, then your suffering will never end. There's no amount of "twist working" or manipulating that will change the dynamic of your challenge for the better. It will only turn around when YOU commit to changing for the better.

What's great about the work we'll do is that if you decide you're not ready to make changes right now, then at least you'll have the tools I've given you, and you can always return to them when you're ready. They don't expire. Your patience with your suffering hopefully will.

If you're ready to start moving forward in your life, then I invite you to set up a free 20-minute Intention and Energy Assessment, which will prep you for the consultation. Click here for more details.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: FEAR IS YOUR PRISON

Every time you enter or stay in a situation based on honoring your fears over your spiritual needs/health, you'll have big problems that will not go away; in fact, they'll get bigger. Every. Time. You'll never have a healthy experience with fear as your core energy and reason for being there. That type of fear (as opposed to the healthy nervous kind) will always keep you from the happiness you deserve.

Fear is not the real problem. It's making fear-based decisions that alters your life in negative ways. Fear is a natural emotion, a necessary self-defense mechanism that will always be around and, if wielded properly, can even save your life. The issue is when you allow your fears to make you constantly go out of your way to please people to avoid conflict, or keep you from living the way you want, asking for what you want, leaving or entering situations, standing up for yourself, pursuing goals, etc. It's these kinds of fearful actions that rob you of your self-esteem and keep you from being able to strengthen it. When you act in fear, in ways that aren't true to your spirit, you guarantee less-than-desirable outcomes because you started off with an unhealthy energy—you get what you give, energy wise. Kowtowing to fear is not good for your mental and physical health. It does nothing but make you feel bad about yourself, about your ability to make sound decisions for your life, like you're a "screw up." It's hard to feel good about yourself when you keep denying yourself happiness and peace of mind because you're too afraid to "go for it." In return, you end up in situations that leave you feeling less-than, and wondering why you're always discontented and not getting your just desserts. Honoring your spirit at all times takes big courage and a lot of practice. Once you get good at it, you'll see how freeing and healthy it is, and you'll make it your daily business to prioritize it, no matter what.

I think I should clarify that you're not necessarily waiting for the fear to disappear; that may not happen in every case. Your goal in all situations where fear appears to be your ruler is to muster the courage to do the opposite of what your ego is telling you, to refuse to be its prisoner, not resign yourself to your perception of what's gonna go wrong if you move forward. In reality, the outcome may actually be what you fear (e.g., someone being furious with you for speaking up), but the act of honoring your spirit, the part of you that truly wanted to be strong enough to speak your mind, is what steadily builds your esteem, even if your outcome is not what you hoped. Employing courage doesn't always bring about fairy-tale endings. Many times it does, but your job is to do it all the time, out of respect for yourself, whether it goes great or goes sideways. People will always prefer that you do what they want so they can be comfortable or feel a certain way. Not everyone will be happy about or respect the fact that you put your peace of mind before theirs. Not your problem. It's their job to figure out how to make themselves feel better; you have your own well-being to attend to 24/7. 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with coming to a happy medium with people, where everyone wins, and you don't feel like you were bullied or intimidated into your stance. Sometimes compromise is good. Considering others' feelings is good. Adjusting your behavior or stance out of respect for someone, depending on the situation, is an admirable move and can grow your character. The fine line in those types of situations is paying close attention to how you feel about compromising. Can you truly help someone or improve an important relationship if you do? Will your morals and/or self-respect be lost if you do? Is the compromise something you feel comfortable with, or, again, are you being pushed? You always know what feels right, what feels doable enough that you won't regret the choice regardless of the outcome. Believe that. Trust the feeling. It's an instinct that takes over you. When something feels wrong for you, you get that sinking feeling in your spirit, just like when things feel right, you feel it, too. It's a feeling of calm, comfort, a gentle or even resounding "yeah" that fills you up. But it has to be your "yeah," not someone else's. The goal is to never let your fear of an anticipated outcome keep you from walking your chosen path. 

Activating courage takes more than a wish; it requires bold action and a lot of faith. You have to make a very conscious choice to push through the fear and do the thing you truly want or need. That's how you feed your spirit. That's how you win in all your challenges.

For complete details about Life Challenge Consulting, please click here.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE SNEAK-UP OF THE GIVE-UP

Are you in the throes of The Give-Up? Beware ... it's a sneaky monster that creeps into your psyche little by little and starts leaving subliminal Sticky Notes all over your mind. It tells you things like: your efforts toward reaching your goals aren't working; you should forget it; this is stupid and a waste of time; it's taking too long, so something must not be right; things definitely should have changed by now; so-and-so's doing the same thing and it's working for him/her, so what's wrong with you?

Next thing you know, you're suddenly finding yourself thrown off track with making efforts toward reaching your goal. It's very subtle, though; The Give-Up is smart (because it's the wickedest, shadiest side of your ego). It does things like make you oversleep, feel sluggish and move slower than usual, forget to do things related to reaching your goal, procrastinate, purposely fail to keep important goal-related commitments to yourself because you just "don't feel like it today," miss appointments that could get you closer to your goal (due to said moving slower, oversleeping, procrastinating, and/or forgetting), feel restless and bored, act out in ways that you didn't when you were filled with hope and courage (insert unhealthy or non-productive habit of your choice here), say yes to situations and people that are not only not in your best interest but may also lead you even further off track where your goal is concerned, not give your efforts your full attention when you're engaged in them—and many other mind tricks. This is just a short list of ways the attack can take place.

When you start getting discouraged about your goal, that's when your actions change; your efforts slow down or cease. The Give-Up puts you under its spell gradually, almost to where you don't even notice until certain things start happening repeatedly, or several different instances have occurred over time that you all of a sudden take note of. By then, its job is done because you're already immersed in a vicious cycle that can be hard to break.

Because The Give-Up is progressive (not to be confused with its sibling, The Hasty Quit, which happens abruptly, during an intense moment of perceived failure and doom), you could very well have been in the zone for days, weeks, even months already, and now you're hard pressed to reclaim your spot on the path to victory.

Here's the piece of info that I'm sure many of you already know, but it bears repeating: when you're making lots of progress toward your goal, possibly about to reach it, that's when The Give-Up gets completely outta hand. In your mind, it's been X amount of time and you have no [apparent] results on the horizon; so now you're resentful, and once resentment sets in, you're vulnerable to The Give-Up's power.

At that point, it doesn't take much to knock you off track, so it slips in quietly and goes to work on you: an oversleep here, a few forgetful moments there, followed by some procrastination, intentional failure to commit, and half-assed efforts, and you're fully in the zone. You're so distracted by your discouragement that you don't even realize you're on a downward spiral.

If you find that The Give-Up has overtaken you, don't beat yourself up. You may be down, but you're not out, so there's still time to get your mojo back. Combating The Give-Up requires that you pay close attention to your actions and feelings when you're pursuing goals and dreams. Obviously, when you're feeling hopeful and confident about things and you're making strides, you don't have to worry about getting caught up.

The fact is, though, every day probably won't be smooth sailing during your journey, especially if you have an influx of crappy days—or weeks—and that's when you need to keep your eyes peeled for mood swings, negative thoughts, and subtle behavioral changes that can lead you into the zone. If you can catch yourself before you get there, then great. But if you find yourself drowning in its sea of chaos, then you'll need to employ some belligerence and diligence to set yourself straight. Depending on how long you've been down, it may feel like pulling teeth some days to get back up.

And you have to get back up! If that goal or dream still burns in your heart, then you owe it to yourself to continue to pursue it with gusto, no matter what the scenario looks like. If jumping right back in the saddle and picking up where you left off all at once feels overwhelming, then take it bit by bit; regain control of your journey one action at a time, one day at a time. In whatever ways The Give-Up has you going in reverse, you have to switch gears immediately. It can be pretty strong, so you need to be stronger.

Be determined to get back in the driver's seat so you can cross the finish line.

For information about my Life-Challenge Consulting service, please visit my site.

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: PRACTICE MAKES YOU A WINNER

Here are three important practices to boost your self-esteem:

1. Pay attention to and respect your preferences and needs, big and small. They matter, all day, every day. If you don't make the effort to honor them as much as possible, even at the risk of disappointing or angering others, then you'll only be disrespecting yourself, which pokes holes in your self-worth. Tending to your well-being is one of the most important steps to fostering a genuine feeling of love for yourself.

2. Keep your word. If you commit to something (for yourself or others), and it's completely within your control to do it, then get it done. Making excuses for not following through will gradually damage your self-esteem; you'll know yourself to be unreliable, which isn't a feel-good characteristic. Being trustworthy is something to be proud of, and every time you keep your word, that pride increases your confidence.

3. If you tried to do something and failed (even if repeatedly), then give yourself credit for the try ... every time. You can't always control when or how something [finally] happens, especially when there are other people involved. You definitely can't control THEM. Continuing to try means you haven't given up on yourself, on the possibility of victory. And staying on your own team, even if no one else is on it with you, IS a feel-good characteristic, whether you "win" the coveted prize today or not.

Notice I said three "practices." Cultivating healthy self-esteem is a daily practice that requires special attention and efforts. It's up to you, not others, to make sure you feel good about yourself every day, regardless of whether things work out the way you plan or want. Healthy self-esteem isn't based on always getting it right or winning the prize at the end of the day. It's based on truly doing your best and appreciating that best, and determining to believe in your worth and potential, no matter who does or doesn't along with you.

If you're interested learning about and/or partaking in my Life-Challenge or Life-Mission Consultation services, then please visit my site HERE. 

FIND YOUR PURPOSE AND PASSION AND BE FOREVER CHANGED

I was inspired to write YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE: CLAIMING YOUR LIFE'S MISSION & LIVING YOUR DREAM after helping a friend solidify a major part of her life-mission path. Having overcome my own painful obstacles with finding and implementing mine, I had developed a true sense of compassion for those who were struggling to find theirs, and I made it my goal to help them be victorious. If you haven't found your life's mission, otherwise known as purpose and passion, then this book is for you. If you know anyone who hasn't, please pass it along to them. It gives practical advice on how to go about finding your calling, and what to do and expect after you've found it. Below is an excerpt from the intro.

INTRODUCTION

Next to the topics of money and marriage/relationships, the topic of career goals and life missions is at the top of the list of discussions among people. It seems as if most of us strive for three major things in life: make an insane amount of money and live comfortably forever, find a soul mate and [maybe] start a family, and find a great career. Not necessarily in that order, either. Much unhappiness comes to those who live their lives not having achieved at least one item from that list. Obviously, having all three at the same time would be ideal, but more often than not, people fluctuate between them. Today, the relationship exists, but money’s funny. Tomorrow, the financial situation is great, but now the relationship is gone, yet the career seems to be headed in the right direction. Next week, all of it has fallen apart, and there’s nothing but a big fat zero staring you in the face. Well, at least you got to sample all of it, right? Sadly, though, there are many who achieve none of those things, neither separately nor all at the same time.

If a room full of people were asked to choose one item as the more important from the “hot list,” the answer would undoubtedly vary, which is natural. Everyone’s priorities are different. Those who are obsessed with being rich may not really care how they get to that point, only that they get there, and they couldn't care less about the other two items. A man or woman whose only dream is to get married to their perfect match and have a houseful of children may not be focused on get-rich schemes or chasing a career goal. And the person who has tunnel vision in regards to his or her career path may likely be a very hard nut to crack if asked to shift focus toward a relationship. Notice I didn’t mention money there. That’s because the career-minded individual definitely does care about financial gain; a huge part of the goal is to eventually make an excellent living at their career of choice. But while Mr. and Ms. Career Minded fully intend to support themselves one day by doing their craft, they understand that, in the beginning, while they’re spending long days and nights immersed in the training process so they can master their field, there will probably be very little to no pay involved. Because of the passion and love they have for what they’re doing, they’re willing to put the financial gain on the back burner until further notice, sometimes even for years. This is the mark of an individual who has truly found, and is dedicated to, his or her mission.

© 2009 Charlene E. Green

Excerpted from YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE: CLAIMING YOUR LIFE'S MISSION & LIVING YOUR DREAM

HERE IS A LIST OF THE TOPICS IN THE BOOK:

INTRODUCTION
LIFE MISSION: THE TRUE DEFINITION
THE SETTLERS AND THE RISK TAKERS
"I'M NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING"
"HOW CAN I BE SURE?"
DO YOU TAKE THIS MISSION?
SACRIFICE: CLOSING OLD DOORS TO OPEN NEW ONES
CLAIM IT, SPEAK ON IT, LIVE IT—PAID OR NOT
THE BUSINESS CARD
MAKING IT ALL HAPPEN
POEM "FOLLOW"
NOTES, GOALS, DREAMS, ETC.

AVAILABLE HERE: PURCHASE BOOKS
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